


Gackt's Choice

by VampireHydeFTW



Category: Malice Mizer
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2019-03-24 08:55:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13807839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VampireHydeFTW/pseuds/VampireHydeFTW
Summary: When Gackt joins Malice Mizer he attracts the romantic attention of more than one member.





	Gackt's Choice

“What did you think of Gackt?” Közi asked Mana, as they sat on the sofa in their living room. They were discussing the vocalist they had met earlier that day.

“He's in.” Mana announced, despite this supposed to being a discussion and not Mana ordering Közi about as normal. They were co-founders of the band Malice Mizer but no outside observer would be able to tell. Though those who looked deeper would see that sometimes, when things really mattered, Közi would cleverly manipulate Mana into choosing the same path as him.

“Mana,” Közi said with a sigh. “You made that decision the second he walked into that café, didn't you?”

“No, because I didn't know he was Gackt then, did I?” Mana argued, not denying the accusation.

“Other than his pretty boy face, what do you think he will add to the band?” Közi asked, though the discussion was meaningless as he too had decided he liked Gackt. The man had a good singing voice and was clearly musically talented with an ambitious drive, he should turn out alright. They could have him on trial for a few months to make sure.

“Female fans,” Mana answered instantly, making Közi give him a look that said 'that's the same thing'. “And he was willing to perform fan service, that's important. He's confident as well which will be good. We can't hire another shy member, we already have enough trouble with Kami and Yu~ki. A confident vocalist to stand as our figure head will be perfect.”

“Anything else?” Közi asked, taking note that Mana hadn't once taken note of Gackt's musical talent. Surely the first thing you'd mention when picking a vocalist, but maybe that was just him.

“Yes. We're desperate and he wants to join us.” Mana replied in an end of the argument tone of voice.

“I'll arrange a band meeting tomorrow then,” Közi replied. “Kami and Yu~ki have to meet him too, you know.”

“Whatever.” Mana replied, his attention already on the extensive range of video games he owned.

 

The meeting was arranged for the following day and Közi was a little worried that something would go wrong. He generally liked Gackt but if Kami or Yu~ki didn't, then he would vote against Gackt joining the band. Sure Mana thought the decision was already made but it wasn't. The two of them were only half the band and for the sake of his own sanity, he needed a vocalist who would get on with everyone. Tetsu had been a disaster and he really didn't want to go through that again.

Kami was first to arrive, looking more excited than nervous. He was usually fine with strangers when he was among friends and was easy enough to get along with. It was Yu~ki who would go all quiet and shy and then blurt out something that made him sound like a huge pervert.

“Is he here yet?” Kami asked, looking past Közi into the living room where Mana sat looking bored.

“Not yet. Help yourself to a drink.” Közi replied, going to join Mana on the sofa.

“That's OK, I'm fine.” Kami replied, going to sit in an arm chair in the corner. He was used to Közi and wasn't at all offended by the guitarist expecting him to get his own drink. It wasn't Közi being rude, more trying to let Kami know to make himself at home. Just like Kami wasn't being rude when he said nothing to Mana. The guitarist rarely spoke to anyone other than Közi and didn't expect people to speak to him either.

“I hope you like him,” Közi told Kami. “Mana's pretty much decided he's one of us already.”

“Do you like him?” Kami asked, a little scared by the look Mana threw in Közi's direction.

“He's talented,” Közi replied. “And he was different. I like him.”

“Different how?” Kami asked intrigued.

“He looks like a cross between a salary man and yakuza for a start.” Közi explained. “He's neither though. At least, I know he's not a salary man.”

“He might be yakuza?” Kami asked, slightly alarmed.

“If he is, it'll help to be on his side,” Közi announced, seeming unconcerned. “I don't think he is anyway. He's too weird for that.”

“Are you judging somebody else for being weird?” Kami asked, slightly surprised.

“Not really,” Közi began to explain. “Any one of us can be considered weird but what makes us different is what we choose to like and do. If we wanted, we could be normal. Even Mana. I guess what I'm saying is, we're trying to be different. Gackt on the other hand is trying to come off normal but fails because his very being is different. The way he thinks just isn't like everyone else.”

“Oh?” Kami asked, as somebody knocked on the door.

“That's probably him. Yu~ki's usually late.” Közi said, getting up to answer the door, leaving a very confused Kami behind to watch the door open, revealing the most beautiful man he had ever seen in person. Feeling more than a little inadequate, he went quiet and watched as Gackt and Közi made small talk before heading into the room.

“This is Kami,” Közi introduced Gackt. “He knows who you are.”

“Hi.” Kami muttered shyly, hoping he wasn't blushing.

“Hi.” Gackt said back, studying Kami carefully for a moment. Silence fell in the room and Kami began to rack his brain for something to say.

“Take a seat.” Közi suggested breaking the silence and Gackt nodded and took the other armchair, sitting exactly opposite from Kami. Having to look away, Kami noticed the look of annoyance in Mana's eyes. Perhaps Mana liked him too and had hoped Gackt would sit next to him? Gackt didn't seem too interested in the guitarist though, his attention was mainly on Közi who was making some joke about last night’s baseball game.

Kami wasn't listening to Közi, his mind was running at top speed trying to think of something, anything, he could say to Gackt to show he was intelligent. Should he ask about Kyoto? That was where Gackt was from right? No that was boring and asking about Gackt's past would be prying.

“Did you watch the game?” Gackt asked as Közi finished the joke, that apparently hadn't been that funny as other than a smile Gackt hadn't reacted.

“No, I was busy.” Kami replied, wishing he had watched it just so he had something to talk about.

“Really?” Gackt asked.

“Yeah. I was taking my dog to the vet, she stood on a nail,” Kami explained. “It wasn't my fault.” He added quickly “I was walking her and somebody must have left in on the pavement, maybe a builder.”

“People should be more careful,” Gackt replied. “The amount of times I've seen broken bottles and things on the pavement is ridiculous.”

“At least a broken bottle is obvious,” Kami replied. “Easier to avoid.”

“I'm thinking of getting a dog,” Gackt admitted. “Something small that can sit on your lap.”

“You should get a cat for that,” Közi informed Gackt. “They’re much better.”

“You can't walk a cat though,” Gackt replied. “Or train them.”

“Cats do their own thing.” Közi argued.

“Exactly. Dogs do as they’re told. Much better.” Gackt responded, just as the doorbell rang again.

“That must be Yu~ki.” Közi announced, as he once again went to answer the door. An uncomfortable silence fell on the room and knowing Mana would never be the one to break it, Kami resorted to the most boring question of them all.

“So, you're from Kyoto right?” Kami asked, wondering what it was Közi and Yu~ki were discussing in hushed voices at the door.

“That's where I'm living at the moment but I've lived all over Japan. Originally I'm from Okinawa,” Gackt answered. “And before you ask, yes I do know karate.”

“I wasn't going to ask that!” Kami exclaimed, actually offended Gackt would think that. “I hate generalising people.”

“Sorry, just what most people ask,” Gackt apologised. “Though you are right, generalising people is horrible.”

“OK, that's nice but now we're all here, we really should be working.” Mana interrupted and though Gackt wasn't officially a member of the band yet, all attention was turned on the future of Malice Mizer.

 

A few weeks passed and work on their first single began in a flurry of activity and slowly Kami began to grow more comfortable around Gackt. The vocalist was easy to talk too and though intimidating at first, he was always honest and friendly. Their work relationship quickly developed further into friendship and then Kami found his feelings changing again, becoming stronger.

'I love him' Kami realised, startling himself. 'Or at least have a bad crush.' Too shy to do anything about these feelings, Kami stayed quiet, though he was pleased to find that the more he opened up to Gackt, the more the other accepted him until the pair had an unbreakable friendship that was stronger than any other bond within Malice, except maybe the one between Mana and Közi.

As their friendship grew, so did Kami's confidence and one day he decided it was time he made his move, or things would forever stay the way they were. He had no doubts about Gackt's sexuality and when he was feeling at his most confident, he believed the other feelings towards him. Why would Gackt say no to him? They got on great and it was probably only because he himself was still in the closest that Gackt hadn't made a move on him.

That night the band had decided to celebrate their first single together in a karaoke bar. It had been Yu~ki's idea and surprisingly nobody had objected and so Kami planned out his night carefully. He'd wear something nice without appearing like he'd been trying too hard and come with a couple of bottles of Gackt's favourite wine. Then he'd simply wait until the whole band was slightly drunk before leaning over and kissing Gackt. The truth would be in the kiss and if it failed, well then, he could blame the alcohol for his actions.

 

“You look nice.” Yu~ki commented when Kami entered the room. He was the only one there and as Kami sat down and pulled out the wine, he glanced at the drummer suspiciously. The drummer’s eyes met the bassist and it was obvious to Kami that Yu~ki knew what he was planning. After Gackt, Yu~ki was the member Kami was closest too and the only one in the band who knew Kami was gay.

“Thanks. I'd say the same about you but have you even brushed your hair?” Kami teased Yu~ki as he always did. Best to act innocent.

“Yes, with a fork,” Yu~ki replied. “Seriously though, I think maybe...” But the sentence was never finished as at that moment Gackt arrived with Mana close behind him. They sat together and whatever Yu~ki had to say was lost in Gackt's surprised delight to find his favourite wine waiting for him. Across the room Mana glared at Kami and then wrapped an arm across Gackt's shoulders. The vocalist turned towards the guitarist and then they were kissing. Not a friendly kiss, a proper kiss of lovers and Kami stared in horror for a moment. He could feel the tears beginning to well up in his eyes and so with a hurried excuse about needing the bathroom he ran past Közi, who was just entering the room, and left.

He knew he'd have to come back to the room soon but right now he needed some privacy and so he headed for the roof, where he sat in the corner and cried silently. How could this have happened without him knowing? Yu~ki knew, Yu~ki was going to warn him. That much was obvious.

Composing himself, Kami wiped away the tears and went to wash his face before returning to the room. Putting on a fake smile he announced he wanted to sing the first song and choosing 'I just can't wait to be king' from The Lion King, he acted like he didn't have a care in the world. His heart had been damaged but not broken, if Gackt was happy he'd just have to deal with his own emotions like an adult. But right now, when the hurt was still so fresh, being an adult was just too difficult and so instead he'd act like a kid. Throughout the night Kami sang nothing but kids songs, whilst teasing Yu~ki relentlessly and at one point actually starting a food fight with some popcorn. He was laughing and acting happy outwardly and inside his heart almost forgot his sorrow.

 

A few weeks passed and not once did Kami let go of his happy act, as far as anybody could tell there was nothing bothering the drummer, though inside he was lonely and sad. Moving on was difficult but he had made his decision, as long as Gackt was happy with Mana then he would say and do nothing about Gackt's choice that was anything less than supportive.

Only it was becoming harder and harder to keep that promise to himself. The more he watched, the more he could see that Gackt wasn't happy. It was like something was draining the life and soul out of his body. At first Kami thought it must be his own imagination, showing him what he needed to see but as time went on the others began commenting on it too.

Still, it wasn't in his nature to get in the way of a couple but when Gackt started showing signs of being in actual physical pain, Kami knew he had to intervene. Even arranging for Gackt to come to his house alone had been difficult, it was like Gackt was scared of what Mana would think, which wasn't like him at all.

 

“Hey.” Gackt greeted Kami as he arrived at the drummer’s apartment, slightly surprised when the drummer leaned over and kissed him gently on the cheek.

“We need to talk.” Kami informed Gackt, shutting the door behind the vocalist and leading him into the lounge and encouraging him to sit on the sofa. Drinks were offered and declined as Gackt was too curious to delay whatever it was Kami had to say.

“Is something bothering you?” Gackt asked, noticing that Kami was upset.

“I'm worried about you,” Kami spoke up. “This morning, you came into work in pain. Has Mana been hitting you?”

“He wishes!” Gackt exclaimed. “How would Mana land a punch on a man who's trained in karate?”

“Because you let him,” Kami replied. “You let Mana boss you about and dominate you but it's not who you are. I can see you're unhappy.”

“I let Mana get his own way,” Gackt agreed. “But that doesn't mean I'm not happy.”

“He shouts at you for messing about, calls you childish and immature,” Kami commented. “He's crushing your spirit, he only cares about your looks.”

“I think you should mind your own business.” Gackt replied coldly, proving to Kami that he was right. Gackt knew, deep inside, that the relationship he was in was a damaging one but he wasn't ready to admit it.

“OK,” Kami agreed. “I'll mind my own business.”

“Good,” Gackt replied, wondering if he'd just had his first argument with the drummer.

“I'm in love.” Kami commented.

“Really?” Gackt asked.

“Yeah, only he's got somebody else.” Kami responded.

“That must be hard.” Gackt replied sympathetically, as he wrapped an arm around Kami in support.

“I promised myself I'd stay away as long as he's happy, but he isn't. I can't remain silent anymore.” Kami informed Gackt before he leaned over and kissed Gackt, surprised when the vocalist returned his affection, if only for a moment. Pulling back Gackt stared at Kami, stunned as he placed everything together.

“How long have you liked me?” Gackt demanded.

“When we first met, I thought you were beautiful, when I first saw you smile, my heart melted just a little but when I realised I liked you? That was probably the time when you came into the studio holding that pen you had found in a gift shop. You'd bought it just for me and at first, I couldn't understand why. It was just a cheap biro, nothing special but then in came your sister wanting an autograph. You'd deliberately set me up so I couldn't say no, the pen was still in my hand. I would have signed that autograph anyway you know, but it was the way you showed such affection for her that made me think 'I want to be somebody Gackt loves'. You take care of those close to your heart, even those who don't deserve it.”

“He did hit me. You were right.” Gackt admitted, deciding it was now his turn to be honest. “In a way it was my own fault, I was joking about his weight and he took me seriously. It became this big scene and he lashed out.”

“Are you OK?” Kami asked.

“I'm OK.” Gackt replied. lifting up his shirt to reveal a large bruise. “He's stronger than he knows, he forgets he's not a woman sometimes.”

“Please Gackt, I can't bear to feel this way when I know he's treating you so badly.” Kami pleaded giving Gackt a look that said it all, better than any words.

“He loves me.” Gackt replied.

“But do you love him?” Kami asked and was met with silence. “Do you?”

“No,” Came the answer as Gackt sighed. “You're right, he's making me miserable but I can't leave him.”

“Why not?” Kami demanded.

“He'll kick me out of the band,” Gackt replied. “And then what am I meant to do?”

“He can't,” Kami replied. “I don't know what he's been telling you but there's no way he can get rid of you. Not when I love you and Yu~ki thinks you're awesome and Közi knows we can't get a vocalist better than you. Mana is just one vote against you and I swear nobody will vote with him to kick you out.”

“It'll be difficult though.” Gackt replied.

“It can't be any harder than living a lie.” Kami replied and with a sigh Gackt nodded. He looked so sad and confused that it made Kami feel cruel for making Gackt see what everyone else had known the whole time. With guilt in his heart, Kami wrapped an arm around Gackt that quickly became an embrace as the two men hugged for a long time.

After that night Gackt broke up with Mana and like Gackt feared, the guitarist did his best to kick him out of the band. He got nowhere and was soon put in his place by an angry Közi, who promptly put a ban on any relationships within the band. A ban Kami and Gackt ignored, though their relationship was of course kept a secret for a long time.

 

 


End file.
